How to forgive others completely

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” Buddah

Is it possible to forgive anyone completely? I can safely say that I am guilty of un-forgiveness and I practice it regularly, but, is that the right way to live? Throwing around accusations, pointing fingers at others, keeping malice, cursing, punishing people who have annoyed you are some of the ways in which we show our dissatisfaction. I know people who have stopped talking to their parents and have taught their children the same unforgiving nature. So, grandchildren avoid their grandparents because mummy or daddy said so. It is the same with some uncles, aunties and nieces and nephews. I have met people who don’t talk to any of their neighbours and spouses who don’t talk anymore because someone did or said something awful. I have also come across parents who have disconnected all links with their children because of something the child did many years ago.

As mere mortals, it is difficult to let go and move on but if we all real knew the benefits of forgiveness and how short life really is, we will quickly forgive everyone who has wronged us in the past. However, there is only one way to truly forgive, which is complete forgiveness. This, many of us find difficult to do as we continue to hold on to grudges, hurts and the pain of the past close to heart.

So, what are the health benefits of forgiveness?

According to medical research, forgiving someone completely can extend your life by up to 5 years. You have probably read the story of Nelson Mandela and how he was put in jail for 37 years. Normally, a person like that will be released and died a few years later due to the hardship of prison, sorrow and depression but Mandela lived a good number of years and even becoming the President of South Africa. Nelson Mandela was a shining example of forgiveness. He forgave his jailers and became friends with them. In the end the whole world honoured him for the forgiving spirit he had.

Forgiveness will attract favour and promotion into your life. A good example is Joseph. Joseph was sold in Egypt as a slave. He ended up in Pharaoh’s palace but instead of remaining bitter, he did his best to serve the king. And, even when his brothers who sold him into slavery where living poverty, he didn’t shout with glee. Instead, he called for them so that he could take care of them and when they arrived he hugged them. Joseph went on to become more blessed.

1. Holding a grudge causes you more mental pain than the person who did you wrong and according to statics from MIND, more people are admitted into mental hospitals and on depressant drugs because of forgiveness.

2. There is also a proven link between prolonged un-forgiveness, stress and cancer.

3. Forgiving others helps to lowers stress levels. According to a study done by Science experts confirms that one of the benefits of forgiveness is lower amounts of cortisol – a chemical which causes stress and better skin tone.

4. Forgiveness strengthens the heart. A study carried out by the Journal of Psychophysiology suggests that people who hold on to grudges tend to have higher heart rates, while those who are more empathetic and able to forgive tend to have lower heart rates.

5. According to a recent study done by The Journal of Pain researchers, having a forgiving heart may lower both emotional and physical pain such as back pain,.

6. Letting go of that anger you have been holding on to might lower your blood pressure. Studies show that forgiveness is linked to lower blood pressure.

7. Your grudges might be shaving years off your life. According to a study by medical experts, after testing adults ages 66 and older and determining their ability to forgive, those who were more forgiving in nature tended to live longer.

How to Forgive Completely

The story that tells you quite simply why it is necessary to forgive can be found here.

We all have people we need to forgive not just once but daily. Complete forgiveness means permanently letting go or sending away every debt owed to you by someone else, permanently forfeiting your right of reproach the person and permanently not talking against that person whether privately or publicly.

Here are the main forms of un-forgiveness to beware of:

Hate, revenge, sarcasm, name calling, such as, idiot, moron witch etc, labelling people, slander, abuse, and divorce is un-forgiveness. Jesus in Matthew 19 said, “You divorce because of the un-forgiveness of your hearts.” Rejection for punishment sake, withholding good, transfer of affection, bigotry, racism, prejudice are forms of hatred and un-forgiveness, bitterness, causing hurt, internally wishing bad things to happen to others, sexism.

If these are things going inside of you, then, you have un-forgiveness. We need to forgive from the heart everyday otherwise we carry a burden not worth carrying around. Until we can completely let go of the wrongs of others, we will continue to live in un-forgiveness and deny ourselves living a good and healthy life.

Have you read:

A story about forgiveness and what happens when you don’t forgive others.