A Moving Christmas Love Story

"Who is this woman?" Ama wondered in dispair, peering  at the tiny picture of her man and his new woman on her phone screen. Photo: isby.com

With a heavy heart she woke up her children one at a time. Even her movements were slow and unhurried. “If only the family was
complete,” she thought. Every Christmas for the past five years, someone had been missing. 

Everyone was still in bed but Ama was wide awake. The house was silent. It was slightly too quiet for Christmas. She had gone to bed early, at about 10.30pm but she did not feel rested. At various points in the night, Ama had tossed and turned as was her custom when she was disturbed. Thoughts kept creeping into her mind. Vivid images, weird arguments and gripping self-talk. “Had she made a mistake? Had she been wrong?, What if?”

Thankfully, everyone was well and even her eldest son, Chino had arrived that evening from Leeds where he was now living. Chino had found a job straight after graduating from university. It was not well paid but it was something in the current climate. So, there was a slight festive mood in the air in the house. Ama had had a long day and she was tired. It was Christmas Eve and her house looked a mess. Working two jobs, long hours and taking care of her four children was not an easy task. But that wasn’t what was making her feel stressed.

To prepare for Christmas, Ama had left home early in the morning the day. She had planned to hit the shops before the mad rush for food and last minute presents. Ama was a morning person anyway, so getting up at five was not a big deal. She headed for Croydon market where she knew she could get a few bargains. Money was scarce and she knew she had to follow her budget down to the last number. And, although, she had a job, Ama was always over stretched financially - she had to pay the rent, school fees, various taxes and had to cope with the ever rising cost of food.

Fortunately, just in time, some money from the Child Benefit Agency was paid into her account. And,  her second daughter, Akachi, a university undergraduate, had just found a part job working at the Poundland on Brixton Hill in South London. As a floor assistant, her wages though minimal, somehow helped to keep the Orji family out of perpetual poverty and with the economic crises; her job was in fact heaven sent.

Ama had thought that she would wrap up a few old things she had around her house, for her children to open on Christmas day as it is custom in England. But now that she had a hundred pounds to spend this was not the time to think of frugality or any other debt she had. It was time to spend a little. She felt that once her major debts, rent and taxes were paid, she could celebrate Christmas with some food and a few cheap presents for her children.

Returning home that day, Ama peered at her phone once more. Christmas greetings had been pouring in from all over the world. She had relatives everywhere. She was more fascinated by Facebook and Twitter posts by other people. To some, Christmas was a happy time for thanksgiving and for others it was just a chance to spend and party. For Ama, it was a time for family reunion and love. The gifts and party were not the main focus.

Ama was now on her Whatsapp  and she read and replied messages from all and sunder. Then! Something caught her eye. It was the new profile picture of her ex-husband, Chigioke. She peered closely. She knew that she needed to wear her glasses but at that moment that was not important. She peered some more. Clearly, it was the picture of a woman. A middle aged woman. “Who was it, this time?”, Ama thought.

Approximately a year ago, Ama had seen another picture similar to the one she was staring at. Then, it was her ex-husband in amorous embrace with a woman. 

It was true that he had divorced her three years previously but the whole affair had been rushed and in the midst of a heated disagreement her home was broken. There not been any discussions. There had been no exchange of what had or had not worked in the marriage. Ama had felt so hurt by Chigioke’s action that she took solace in her Bible and a praying group she joined. People who she felt she could rely on had let her down, family, friends and even her church. Chigioke had broken her heart and there had been no one to help. Chigioke’s parents whom she  had loved dearly and who had been her pillar in times of discord had passed away a few years before in a plane crash. So, when Ama was not with her Christian friends, she buried herself in her work and her children and refused to talk about her pain. When her suffering reached a critical point, she stopped attending church.

So, after three years of almost complete silence, Chigioke began to contact her again. By this time Ama was preparing her mind to moving on with her life but somehow a little voice often reminded her that she could not. She knew she still loved and belonged to Chigioke. Chigioke was the only man who really knew her and she knew him well. She believed that the man she had been married to for such a long time would still come back. However, anger frequently washed over her as she thought about the divorce and the pain from over the years. Thoughts of the violence, neglect and abuse would creep into her mind at moments when she let her guard down. But she never once complained to anyone.

Then, she saw the picture. She was not out looking to stalk Chigioke in fact she did not want to know what he was up. Once in a while a friend would tell her they saw him somewhere but that was all. So, seeing him after such a long time in a picture with another woman not only made Ama feel angry, she felt pretty jealous and ‘done bad’. She made contact and to cut the long story short, Ama and Chigioke met up and tried to iron out their differences. Being overjoyed was an understatement. Ama saw this re-union as a sign from God. A sign of victory over disappointment. A sign of new beginnings. A sign that God was still in her business – in the marriage. But sadly, the meeting did not go well. Chigioke was in pain. Ama was also in pain and the brief meeting was not strong enough to seal the cracks in the relationship. There was no umpire to iron out the issues. Or probably, more time was needed but none was forth coming. Impatience more likely and then, with issues swept under the carpet hastily, one thing led to another and like a mirage the re-union dissolved. 

Ama felt Chigioke was not transparent about the time he had spent away from home. She found out there were women sprinkled all over his past and one in particular disturbed her in a strange way… To Ama, these women were threats and she had to know who they were and what had happened. But Chigike was tight lipped. So, she disconnected with him waiting to see if he would talk. Months went by and Chigioke continued making frequent gestures to bridge the gap. But Ama was confused, scared and wanted to be reassured by Chigioke but he offered no such thing. She felt there was more to this particular woman than met the eye. Strange things had happened which could not be explained. Since their reunion, things had gone wrong in Ama ‘s household and being spiritually sensitive she knew something ungodly was amiss. All Chigioke wanted was for Ama to accept him without questions. 

As Chigioke travelled around Europe to work, he kept in touch and Ama only just about made an effort to keep in touch. She knew that Chigioke did not really love her otherwise he would discuss things that were bothering her, take care of his children, beg her and plead with her family but he did none of these. For years, he had not sent a dime for his children’s upkeep. Sadness drifted between irritation and loneliness but still Ama kept her ground. She would go to the ends of the world for a honest man, she would rather plead with and beg a man that was transparent and honest than a shady man who had women all over the place hovering over him. Chigioke was becoming a man with a polygamous outlook on life. Moreover, Ama had noticed that Chigioke had become more rude and had no scruples about insulting her whenever he got frustrated with her behaviour. Another thing Ama could not accept. So, one day, when Chigioke sent her a text saying he was not sure whether he was the father of their children, Ama felt it was time to stop the unhealthy batter.

Now, there was this woman on the picture. This was interesting because the snap appeared just two weeks after Chigioke had made advances to Ama about a renewed reconciliation. “It was unbelievable! "A woman already! Did Chigioke now move that fast or had he being keep his side lay in the shadows all along?” Ama had asked him when they first re-united but he had denied that she was his  'other woman.' Now, it was Christmas Eve and Ama was meant to be dealing with this as well. “What perfect timing”, Ama had thought. “Could this be the man she used to love and cherish? Wedging sharp knives into her heart at random or what this her fault?” she had wondered.

Going through all the Christmas Eve motions, Ama went through her old CDs and began to play her favourite Christmas Carols. She tried to sing along to brush the thoughts coming into her mind. Thoughts of lose, thoughts of pain, rejection and then, floods of tears streamed down her face uncontrollably. She thought it was all her fault that her husband left and never bothered to take care of the children. She thought that maybe everybody was right and she was wrong. Her family wanted what was best for her, her children also wanted her to be happy. But she felt lonely.She was obviously more than stressed, she was depressed as well.

Ama pulled herself together after telling her children that she had been crying for joy. She told them that she had been crying because – God had kept them all safe. But she had come to the conclusion that, happiness had to be created and that thinking of the man who had been her partner for 20 years and who had now publicly rejected her was not the way forward. In truth, they had had their ups and downs like any other marriage but Ama believed that other hands were in her marriage, she could not shake off the feeling and she also knew it was a battle she could not fight. After years of praying, fasting and declarations and still no solution.

Slowly, she came to the conclusion that at one point she had to let her ex go for good. He needed to be happy. She knew she still loved him but had to forgive him so that she too could be free. There was not much she could do. She believed that if a man loved a woman and viz viza, he or she would endure until the very end…the end of time. If one partner was in state of confusion, the other spouse should at least support and be patient with the other. Chigioke was not prepared to be there to the end that chapter in Ama’s life, he had moved on and only tried faintly to re-track his steps.So, Ama decided that the way to suppoprt Chigioke was to be patient with him, let him go and find himself.

On the morning of Christmas, Ama woke up and lovingly wrapped up her children’s presents. Two sets for the boys and another two sets for the girls. She had told them not to expect anything because there was no money for 'such luxury' so, this Ama knew was sure to be a surprise for them. And, despite her sorrow, Ama promised to be cheerful for her children’s sake. 

Marching purposefully to the CD player, she blasted out, ‘Hark the Herald Angels Sing’ and accompanied the number cheerfully in her big strong voice or so it seemed…

Still high from the carol and not wanting to become overwhelmed with gloom, she picked up her Bible from the table and opened it randomly. These are the words that leapt out of the page:

Isaiah 41:10

“Have no fear, for I am with you; do not be looking about troubled, for I am your God; I will give you strength, yes, I will be your helper; yes, my true right hand will be your support.”  

 

It was then she knew that all would be well for her, Chigioke and her family!

Story by Morin Okenla. Please, note all characters are fictitious and in no way represents anyone living or dead. Morin Okenla is the publisher of iShine Magazine. She is a writer, entrepreneur, artist and business and education coach.