If you are having problems meeting and keeping a partner of your choice, then, here are ten tips to help you meet and connect with the partner you have always wanted…
1. Get a life. The most important thing is to be Ms. Right-for-him yourself. Finding the right man is not going to change you into a better person than you already are. If you are lazy and self-centred, finding a generous hard working fellow is not going to transform you. If you are boring and your personality one-dimensional, finding an intellectually challenging man is not going to change who you are.
2.Develop yourself. If required, complete your education. Get a hobby. Learn how to be interesting, kind, caring, and unselfish. Model yourself after women you admire. Work hard at changing your character defects. (If you are not sure what they are, ask your mother!) Expose yourself and, to learn humility, volunteer to help people who are less-fortunate than you are. Travel widely and see how fortunate people are in the developed world. Take a listening class and get some counseling if you need to learn to be assertive or share your feelings. Get professional help to deal with childhood traumas. No matter how happy Mr Right is going to make you, first, learn to be happy with yourself.
3. Evaluate your physical attractiveness. Don’t be fooled by the magazines, not everyone is a beauty queen. We each have something going for us though. Find out what is your best feature and accentuate it. Wear clothes that flatter your figure. Do not try to be a size 8 if you are really a size 14. Accept yourself for who you are, but don’t use that as an excuse to let yourself go either. Some men like a woman with a little meat on her bones, but no one wants a slob. Big can be beautiful if you manage things correctly. If you are overweight, consult your doctor and find out what is healthy for a woman your size. Men want to be proud of their woman’s appearance, not embarrassed. Work with what you have: get a makeover; ask a personal shopper at the department store to help you revamp your look. You don’t need to spend a fortune, simply plan wisely with a few smart items. Small changes can make a world of difference in your looks as well as your outlook.
4. Know what you are looking for in a man. Here are some qualities to look for in a healthy relationship: common values and goals, similar cultures, ability to forgive and be forgiven, ability to be challenged and confronted without defensiveness, mutual desire to raise children. Ask yourself, Why do I want this relationship? To lose myself? To find myself?· To make up for what I lost in childhood? To keep me so excited I can’t be depressed? To boost my sagging self-esteem? A temporary fix until I decide I want something better? For security or someone to take care of me? To be in control? To show off to my friends that I can get a man? To get my parents off my back? To run away from my responsibilities? To find someone to support my children?
Ask yourself who and where you want to be in twenty-five years. How will your choices now influence that outcome? Be honest. What does your heart desire? Do you require just a pay check, children, a companion? What looks good now may cause heartache later. What you choose today will have an impact on what you get later, so choose wisely.
5. Rise above past mistakes. You are not doomed to an endless series of losers. You are half-way to Mr. Right by acknowledging what you have done wrong in the past. You cannot correct something you did not realise was stupid. We all make mistakes and have regrets. Congratulations! You are starting to develop humility, which is a good trait. Just don’t let it turn into self-pity and low self-esteem. Open your heart to grace and freedom from shame. You are loved. You can be forgiven. We do not have to be doomed to failure over and over.
6. Talk to your family and friends about the kind of man you want. Chances are they know you better and have ideas about what’s good for you. Ask them for tips on the type of guy they think you need, and don’t be insulted when they tell you the truth. Their feedback could be invaluable.
7. Be open to matchmaker services and the Internet. Is it safe to look there for someone? It depends. Personal ads have been around for years, and the Internet Web pages are just an extension of them. It used to be that only the "desperate and dateless" used personal ads, but now it is commonplace to take advantage of Web pages for matchmaking. You will find categories and types of listings you never thought existed. It seems that everyone is online now, and options can be overwhelming. Some couples have been successful in establishing satisfying relationships through the Web. Others have run into problems all the way from being deceived, to being murdered. Millions of people are online every day and there’s potential to meet all types. Using common sense, and seeking reputable services with good references are the basics when going online. Certainly, never agree to meet someone without proper precautions such as meeting in a public place, and having a friend with you or at hand who knows where you are going and with whom.
8. Consider blind dates. Why not? Just use the same common sense you would use in dating anyone for the first time. Or, ask your friends to organise a blind dinner date or party. Get to know each other in a group setting, let nature take its course, and keep it light. A blind date is just a beginning. It does not have to be full blown dinner and roses.
9. Look in places where you would expect to find someone with the qualities you value. If you want someone who cares, look at the local soup kitchen and see who is volunteering on Saturday afternoons. If you want someone who is good with kids, look for a coach or a teacher or a mentor. If youwant a generous guy, ask yourself: Who in your crowd has a generous spirit? Who shares his lunch with you without your asking? Who gives you the seat on the bus? Who goes out of his way for his grandmother or aunt? Who sacrifices his day off to work for Habitat for Humanity? Who works Sundays at the homeless shelter? Who volunteers at the Children’s Hospital as a clown? Who shares freely about himself and his needs, ideas, hopes and dreams? Who doesn’t care if his generosity is noticed or even appreciated? This is the type of man to look for.
If you want a man of faith you will more likely find him in church than in a bar.
If you want a man with purpose and direction in life realize he is not the type of fellow who answers "I dunno" when you ask what he wants to major in. He is not the guy on the street corner who says "Hey, I just wanna party. I don’t care about school." This guy has his head on straight and knows where he is going and how to get there. He may be poor, or come from a broken home, but he is determined to rise above difficult circumstances. He wants to go somewhere in life. He believes he has a future beyond age 20 and doesn’t want to jeopardise his future. He has a dream beyond living at home with his parents or attending next week’s big party. If your fellow’s highest aspiration is getting high on ice, you better look elsewhere.
If he is the guy at the office who lets everyone else do the work, and he takes the credit, watch out! Is he learning more in his trade to become more highly skilled, and is happy to teach others? Does he know where he is going?
If you are looking for a man with a sense of humour, keep in mind that just because a guy has purpose and is diligent doesn’t mean he cannot laugh and have fun. The ability to laugh at oneself and with (and not at) others is crucial for a good mental outlook. If a person always takes himself too seriously, he will be difficult to live with. Someone who can laugh or chuckle at the antics of a child, who can play with a dog, giggle when ice cream falls in his lap is a guy worth giving a second look. He is obviously not all work and no play. He can relax and participate with others in activities that delight and refresh the soul. He appreciates beauty and quiet, as well as being silly and screaming on the roller coaster at the theme park. He can take a joke as well as tell one. He can be both clever and witty and his humour is never at someone else’s expense nor is it dependent on drugs or alcohol to loosen him up. He will have a gentle manner, can relax socially and easily make conversation with most people.
If you are hanging with a bunch of complainers who only know how to gripe, maybe it is time to find some new friends.
10. Expect a human being, not a perfect being. Best to give guys a break. You already know that you are not Ms. Perfect, so it’s okay to expect he will make mistakes, too. Relax and don’t be too picky. Allow for human frailty. Look beyond physical attractiveness. You don’t want a slob any more than he does, but he doesn’t have to be Mr. Hunk either.
Last advice, be patient. Rome was not built in a day. It may take some time to discover what appeals to you and why. You may make a few friends, and even break a heart or two. You may get hurt. Keep at it. There are good men out there. You simply need to know where to look.
CBN.com
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